The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
