As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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