you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize