opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
