She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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