Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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