You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
