I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
