I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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