I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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