i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
