hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
