Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
