The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
