I love black thongs
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
