Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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