I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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