May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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