This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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