I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
