i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I could fuck to npr.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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