You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
