So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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