I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
