it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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