Your dad touched me again.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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