I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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