It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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