Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
