You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're a waste of cheezeits
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
