My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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