And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
