wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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