Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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