That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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