You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
