So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
