you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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