I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize