well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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