Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
