Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
