Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
