dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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