She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When are your genitals available?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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