If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
