My liver just broke up with me...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
