It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize