get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How does one acquire holy water?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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