Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm really busy with my period
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