they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
