everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
