i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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