it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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