dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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