Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
