you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
