i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
