If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We are two peas in an std pod
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize