pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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