neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
