dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize