the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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