so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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