There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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