I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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