It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
two words: eviction party
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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