I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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