Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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