Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
