worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
