we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
