How's work?
Spinning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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