I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
