He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
