um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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