When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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