You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize