If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
