I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
