I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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