im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
