The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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