Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
