I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I could make wine with my vomit
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
