My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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