soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
